kindergarten

Just yesterday, there was a baby boy here somewhere. Today, he went to kindergarten.

Last night, I worked really hard to get him ready for this morning. He drew a truck (what else?!) picture for his new teacher, Mrs. Richter. We printed a picture of his kitty, Specks (or aka Speckles) so that he could keep it in his schoolbag to look at when he needed. I told him about how I would draw a heart on his wrist so that my love would be with him all the day long. He helped me pick out his clothes and load his schoolbag.

This morning, he slept in...of course. Those blessed mornings when we ALL could sleep in, he's up at 6:30am. :P Jim and I both went up to wake him between 7:40 and 7:50. He finally got out of bed at close to 8am. That meant a quick dress, granola bar for breakfast, and fast toothbrushing. Took some photos with Daddy and Natalia...and, off we went.

We're supposed to arrive between 8:20am and 8:37am. We arrived AT 8:37am. It was raining, so the school didn't do their normal line-up-in-the-playground routine. Jameson and I went in to his classroom...he's happy, following the blue line to his room, thinking all is cool! We go to the room, take out his box of Kleenex that we'd forgotten for open house and put that where it belongs. We talk to the Mrs. Richter for a bit and I tell her about the letter and picture in the backpack - this is important later. There are a few kids already playing on the rug with various blocks, so I lead him over there to get ready for leaving. He's already asked about a bazillion times if I'm going to stay with him. :( I've repeatedly told him "no, honey, I'm going to drop you off and then go to work."

This looks like fun, no? Not so much, according to Jameson.

He sits next to a group playing with some blocks, fiddles with a few of them...bored. I'm squatted next to him, but I can only stay that way for so long. (Getting old, anyone?) So, I stand.

"Mommy, don't leave!!!"

"I'm not leaving, just standing up. But, I am going to be leaving to go to work in just a minute."

He stands. I try to get him involved in a different group of kids/blocks. Just then, the principal comes and tries to "help". She meant well, I know. But, she did NOT help. Up until this time, he wasn't crying. He was getting ready to be busy with block building - 5 more minutes and it would have gone much more smoothly. Instead, the principal says, "Ok, say goodbye to Mommy." Jameson clings - death grip around my neck. And, starts to cry. And, beg. "Mommy, please don't go, please take me with you. I don't want to stay. Please don't go."

And, I start to cry. Jameson has his head buried in my neck, so he doesn't see this-thankfully. I try to remind him of the heart drawn on his hand. I hug him. I kiss his head. He cries. The teacher comes over and tries to help, but it's too late. This goes on for about a minute - but it felt like a.really.long.time. Finally, his teacher takes him from me and I say, "Goodbye, I love you, I'll be back soon." I wave and walk out of the room. I am sobbing. I can hear him saying "please" over and over. :(

In the hall, I cry. I wait and listen for him to stop crying. I know he will. I do. But, that doesn't make it any less heartwrenching in that moment. Other teachers and moms walk by and offer their words of wisdom and empathies. Thank goodness no one made me feel like a total dummy. I inch back to the door so that I can try to hear him. Just then his teacher starts to come out of the room...with him holding her hand! EEK! He can't see me or it'll all start over again. She stops quick and points for me to go across the hall to the empty art room. They're going to hang his kitty picture in his locker. She's a smart teacher, that one...good distraction tactic. In the art room, I'm around the corner to make sure he can't see me. This also means I can't see him, but I can hear a little bit of their conversation and can tell he's not crying anymore. He and Mrs. Richter go back into the classroom, so I sneak back to just outside the door to try to listen some more. The principal comes back and looks in for me. She says, "He's doing just fine. Not crying anymore, but still holding the teacher's hand." I, of course, AM still crying. She gives me a hug and I leave. Quickly. On my way out to my car, another mother is walking in. I presume she's meeting her kid who rode the bus in. She sees me crying and says, "I'm doing all I can to NOT be doing that when I leave!"

I cry all the way to work. I resist the urge to go back and get him, take him home, and just let him play with his trucks for the rest of his life. I cry on my way into work. I cry when I get to my desk. A wonderful friend and co-worker has left me a card because she knows it'll be a hard day for me. I can't open it right away...that'll surely bring harder tears. So, I try to distract myself with work stuff. I think I stop crying around noon. My eyes are puffy and red...I look like a dope.

I go back to pick him up after school. I see him before he sees me. He scans the crowd of parents for me...anxious. When he finally sees me, I get a BIG hug! I thought for sure the tears would start again, but they didn't...thankfully. I ask how his day was. "Good!" I ask if he had fun? "Yes!" Phew. On the walk back to the car, he recounts some additional details with enthusiasm. On the bright side, the class took a trip to the school library today. Jameson thinks that is extra cool because he got to pick out a book about firetrucks and firefighters...and the fire dog named Dot. Yay! On the drive home, we talk more about the day. I start to try to prep him for doing this again tomorrow. I tell him that if he's good, we'll stop after school to pick up the Lego Construction set that he's been begging for. (Yes, I resort to bribery. Sue me.)

He says, "But Mommy, tomorrow won't be such a long day, right?!"

"Oh Baby...."