emotions

jameson has been off his anti-seizure meds for 3 weeks 2 days. in that time, he's --knock on wood--not shown any signs of seizure activity. he has, however, been one hell of a treat. :P we weaned him off the medication slowly - a little less each week for four weeks just as the doctor ordered. about 3-5 days after his last dose, he became moody, emotional, unwilling to eat, and ... well ... a typical tempermental 3 year old. this wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that this is not a jameson we've ever experienced before.

so, on one particularly weepy day, i looked up depakote withdrawal symptoms. while i couldn't find anything specific to toddlers and their withdrawal from this drug, i did find that it's used not only for seizures and migraines (which i knew), but also for *mood stabilizing*!!! can you hear the light bulb bursting in my brain? i did.

during the normal 1-3 year old period of his life when other toddlers are learning to deal with their emotions - learning that it's not ok to melt into a puddle just because you wanted the green bowl and not the blue bowl; that mommy will return to pick you up from preschool and it's not necessary to attempt to meld yourself to her leg in an attempt to stay with her; that yes, sometimes you do need to put FOOD into your mouth, chew it and swallow it...you get the picture. during the time of his life when he should have been learning all of this, he was all doped up. NO WONDER he was such an easy-going kid. NO WONDER he didn't care to talk til he was 3 years old. NO WONDER he wouldn't crap in the toilet. NO-freaking-wonder. he just didn't care. apathy was normal for him. poor little guy. suddenly he's having all of the emotions of a 13 year old girl crashing in on him at once. and since he's a 3 1/2 year old boy, that probably REALLY sucks. :(

the good news is he's finally mellowing out a bit again. he still melts down about once a day, but that's worlds better than every 7 minutes! (again, daily meltdowns might be normal for "your" three-year-old...not so for the jameson we knew/know.)

of course, i wouldn't trade any of this. i would rather have to help him learn to deal with the emotions than see another seizure. back to holding breath... :)